Have Shed, Will Travel

Phew, that was a long holiday. Not so much a holiday, more like... captivation. Yes, blogfans, that's right! I was kidnapped shortly after making my last post here and I was taken away, having been bundled blindfolded into the back of a car, to a mysterious place far far far away.

I woke up in a dark room that smelt of mildew and vomit. It wasn't my vomit - it was lunch. It was soon my vomit, though. There was a tiny crack of light coming into the room - but from where? A thorough search of nearly sixteen seconds revealed that there was, in fact, a tiny window set high in the wall. I couldn't reach it, but it was my only escape route - the door had been bricked up, on the inside. My captors were clearly either very clever or very stupid. They were nowhere to be seen. How would I scale the wall? How would I get through the window and to freedom? I pondered the problem for a few days, and then it came to me: I could use the ladder leaning up against the wall. It took a week to summon up the courage to climb the ladder, but I did it! I was free! But where was I?

I was in the rainforest in Mexico. I had in fact been kept prisoner in an Aztec temple. How very bothersome, I thought, and how very like a Bond-style archvillain. I guessed that the archvillain would be hiding out somewhere nearby in his high-tech super-lair, stroking a white Persian cat with his bejewelled glove. I could, I considered, pay him a visit. I decided not to and instead got on the train. Who would have thought there would be a regular train serving an old abandoned Aztec temple in the middle of nowhere? Most fortuitous. Before I knew it (I'd passed out, see) I was on the plane heading back home. Hurrah! But my adventure wasn't over yet - not by a long shot.

Upon getting home, I really had to fight to open the front door - two months' worth of mail and free newspapers can really pile up. I also had to pay off the milkman, and set about drinking all the milk that had been left on the doorstep. Some of it had turned to cheese, so I had some nice sandwiches too. But! No tomatoes! So I had to go to the shop and buy some. Then I had some really nice sandwiches. Anyway, I finally made it back to the computer, and here I am.

That's why I haven't done any posts here for two months. Honest.